It has been a long time since I slept with a teddy bear. Tonight, however I dug one out of the closet. My emotions have taken a beating over the last 24 hrs and I just needed something to hug as I lay down and prayed, meditated and considered what had happened and what God desires to teach me through it.
As I lay here, I realized something important.
Several times in the past 24 hrs I have found myself saying "man I just want to run away". The cool thing is that I am just not able to run!! Growing up as an abused kid who never felt wanted left me with a deep hunger to be loved and cared about. Now that God has given me an amazing (adopted) dad who has proven, over & over, that he loves me ... AND is also extending my ‘family’ ... I simply can NOT run from it!
I learned early in life to run and hide … It was the safest way!
The time came when I was able to stop physically running but I continued hiding. I built huge walls around my heart and no matter who you were you never made it past that last wall.
I have learned to neither run nor hide, and yet this morning I faced a stronger temptation to run than I have in a very long time. Satan took full advantage of the struggles I have faced in the last couple days, and the weakness I was feeling, and he attacked right where he knew my deepest struggle has always been: Loving others.
Having been taught it was wrong to love others, for many years I didn’t allow myself to do so. Now, not only am I loving Dad, and Karen, but my family is extending to include all of you and I allowed my vulnerability to open up that fear, again.
I haven’t faced fear like I did this morning for a long, long time.
I turned to music, one of the ways God often reaches me, and I played “Home”, a song dad sent to me another time when I was hurting. One of the lines is “don’t pay no mind to the demons, they fill you with fear”. I instantly recognized where this fear was coming from.
I turned to John 13: 34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Jesus tells us that we are SUPPOSED to love others AS HE LOVES US!! I am not wrong in loving the way I love … I am in fact COMMANDED to do just that!
I realized where it was all coming from and the battle ended.
The desire to run came to an end.
I am now back where I need to be, on a journey of love, with the family God has provided for me. Thank you for being on this journey with me.
I LOVE YOU ALL
As I lay here, I realized something important.
Several times in the past 24 hrs I have found myself saying "man I just want to run away". The cool thing is that I am just not able to run!! Growing up as an abused kid who never felt wanted left me with a deep hunger to be loved and cared about. Now that God has given me an amazing (adopted) dad who has proven, over & over, that he loves me ... AND is also extending my ‘family’ ... I simply can NOT run from it!
I learned early in life to run and hide … It was the safest way!
The time came when I was able to stop physically running but I continued hiding. I built huge walls around my heart and no matter who you were you never made it past that last wall.
I have learned to neither run nor hide, and yet this morning I faced a stronger temptation to run than I have in a very long time. Satan took full advantage of the struggles I have faced in the last couple days, and the weakness I was feeling, and he attacked right where he knew my deepest struggle has always been: Loving others.
Having been taught it was wrong to love others, for many years I didn’t allow myself to do so. Now, not only am I loving Dad, and Karen, but my family is extending to include all of you and I allowed my vulnerability to open up that fear, again.
I haven’t faced fear like I did this morning for a long, long time.
I turned to music, one of the ways God often reaches me, and I played “Home”, a song dad sent to me another time when I was hurting. One of the lines is “don’t pay no mind to the demons, they fill you with fear”. I instantly recognized where this fear was coming from.
I turned to John 13: 34 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Jesus tells us that we are SUPPOSED to love others AS HE LOVES US!! I am not wrong in loving the way I love … I am in fact COMMANDED to do just that!
I realized where it was all coming from and the battle ended.
The desire to run came to an end.
I am now back where I need to be, on a journey of love, with the family God has provided for me. Thank you for being on this journey with me.
I LOVE YOU ALL
JAY's RESPONSE:
TRULY appreciate the degree of openness & vulnerability it took to share this w/ all of us, Glenda. THANKS. VERY insightful!!!
ATHENA's RESPONSE:
Love the way God is working in your heart...and how, when we earnestly seek Him and are honest about how we feel, with Him and others, He helps us see the root of our fears and BAM...the minute we SEE, it no longer has control over us. God is sooooo good! Thank you for being so transparent...it is the only way to real freedom in Christ.